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WELCOME HOME, HAT
at! The Hat has returned to its rightful place in Evanston after the Northwestern Wildcats managed to pry it from the heads of the Illini. Last year, a miserable debacle, the Hat game to end all Hat...
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OUTBACK BOWL PREVIEW
The ball will drop on 2015 and the curtain will rise on a bowl sponsored by a dubiously Australian chain restaurant in stadium with a pirate ship. The Outback Bowl pits a surprise 10-2 Northwestern...
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Northwestern 2016: This Is Our Concern, Dude
It is February, we've subjected ourselves to ritualistic rodent-bothering, and Northwestern athletics have sunk into a pit of despair.The innovative camera-tophat gives viewers a livestream of...
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The Chicago Bulls are a Wailing Pit of Despair
The Chicago Bulls have nothing at stake this season and yet they remain the most infuriating team in basketball outside Sacramento. They had virtually no chance of contending for a title this season;...
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Requiem For The NIT Berth: An Extremely Northwestern Blog Post
There is no more Northwestern basketball. The Wildcats compiled their greatest regular-season record in school history with twenty wins. That record, bolstered by a string of non-conference victories...
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Netflix Sports Hagiography: Nash (2013)
In retrospect, it is incredible how much crap managed to fill up video stores. The VHS cassette sustained ubiquity for about 15 years, and during that time approximately two zillion forgettable movies...
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The Chicago Cubs Will Not Win the World Series
A storm cloud has appeared over major league baseball, as sure a mark of impending doom as the sport can muster: the Chicago Cubs are overwhelming favorites to win the 2016 World Series. Fortified by...
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The NFL Draft is a Collective Hallucination
For the past week, the National Football League has taken over Grant Park, the Auditorium Theater, and the surrounding environs for a three-day list-reading spectacle. Now, it has blown town like an...
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The Futile, Asinine Task of Determining The Greatest Team of All Time
A championship has returned to Cleveland. The Oracle Arena, described by the press and the Warriors' ownership as a virtual reality laboratory for the development of New Age basketball by players...
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Derrick Rose's Sad Limp To Basketball Oblivion
You can see it on the grainy videos online. Tyrus Thomas grabs a rebound, lopes down the court, and feeds a streaking Derrick Rose who two-hand jams it on a hapless Goran Dragic. The Bulls' bench...
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The NBA's Pantomime Villainy and the Chicago Bulls
The best parts of Face/Off are when Nicolas Cage, playing a heroic FBI agent who had his face swapped with his sworn enemy using biotechnology and Windows 95, realizes that he has become, to the...
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The Ballad of the Sloop John Belein
If you are a fan of a Big Ten team, you have no doubt received, alongside ceaseless entreaties for money, e-mails about the Big Ten Alaska Cruise. What kind of depravity and hedonism takes place when...
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MINT CONDITION BYCTOM #1
There's no more sure sign of the impending return of college football than the first dispatches of Northwestern media hype products. In 2010, the Wildcat Department of Athletic Aggrandizement peppered...
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College Football: The Game of Games
There are crew cut guys in polo shirts stalking the sidelines; there's a meaningless poll released spawning a million blog posts deriding it as meaningless while at the same time assailing its rankings...
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Week 1: Bronco News Letter
The barricades are up on Lake Shore Drive, the helicopters are circling, and Ryan Field prepares for the annual pilgrimage of thousands of fans from Chicago hoping to catch a glimpse of their Big Ten...
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WEEK 2: A Reversal of Fortune
Football is an insane game dreamed up by a maniac and altered by generations of maniacs, each more maniacal than the last. There is an oblong ball that bounces irregularly. The rules have become so...
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Week 3: I'm Not Mad, In Fact This Is Funny To Me
On opening day, Northwestern and Western Michigan grabbed each other and dove off the Reichenbach Falls as they tried to simultaneously lose the game on the same play. The Wildcats had been outplayed,...
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Week 4: FOOTBALL JUGGERNAUT NORTHWESTERN STEAMS TO POWER FIVE WIN
In 2013, the Wildcats won their first bowl game in more than sixty years and celebrated by violently revenging themselves against a plush monkey doll that Pat Fitzgerald used as a symbol of the bowl...
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Week 5: 24-13, A CRUEL AND FICKLE SCORE
For the second consecutive week, Northwestern ended up in a 24-13 game because of a missed extra point. This time, though, Nebraska came out on top by taking over in the second half and Northwestern...
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WEEK 6: The Vandals of Homecoming
Last season, Iowa and Northwestern had tremendous seasons. Then, they both got utterly demolished in bowl games-- Northwestern by a budding Tennessee power and Iowa by a Stanford team drawing on weeks...
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